I was reviewing my site recently and reminded of my dreams that I had written down here. However, I didn’t find one that I had thought I had recorded so thought I would add it in now. The dream is related to an experience I had that I talk about some in this blog entry. However, before I had that dream I had the one I describe below. And I found my original diary entry for the dream, so I will just transcribe what I wrote some 17 years ago. I do have some comments on my interpretation of the dream now that I’m older, which will follow my notes.
May 1991, San Diego
“In my dream I was in a classroom surrounded by pictures and I knew I was in an art classroom. I could hear a voice lecturing but my attention was drawn to a table in front of me. A potter’s wheel sat on it with a striking clay pot sitting on the wheel. It was made of different colored clays and was very ornamental. I could tell that the pitcher had been thrown on the wheel and I could see that the artist had chosen to not smooth the coils but allow them to show.
I looked closer at the pitcher and I realized it was imperfect. There were holes where the loops had not joined and I could tell it would never hold a complete pitcher of water. i was saddened by this and then I could heat the lecturer’s voice describing it and the flaws. As the voice continued it said “While there are flaws it is not the fault of the container but of the creator.
I woke up with a good feeling because I realized while I may strive for perfection and fail it is not my fault so long as I do the best that I can. I can only perform as well as I have been made.”
For me, it was an interesting experience to find this entry and read my original thoughts on my dream. It did give me quite a bit of comfort at the time when I needed some hope to hold on to. However, I have a different interpretation of the lecturer’s statement now that I’ve gotten older and have hopefully built up some wisdom. Maybe anyway.
I now have what I feel is a gentler interpretation of that last statement. At the time I think I was putting more blame on my creator, god or whatever higher force you might believe is responsible for how things go. However, I now strongly feel that I also had input into the path my life has taken and that whatever flaws I might have are ones that I chose to have in this life. I strongly feel that I made choices for experiences I felt I needed to have in order to learn the most that I could while I am here on this Earth. A lot of those experiences have been painful, embarrassing and have lingered on with their effects as I’ve grown older. And yet, I don’t find that I want to go back and subtract any of those experiences out of my life. What has happened is what has made me the person I currently am who is sitting here typing in these words. I wouldn’t necessarily want to go back and repeat any of my less than optimal life lessons but I don’t regret them.
And I have a different view of the pitcher itself, it’s purpose and usage. While the pitcher may strive to be ‘the’ perfect pitcher, due to it’s flaws it cannot fulfill that function. However, it can still work and it can fulfill other purposes such as holding flowers or being a piece of art that brings a bit of beauty into the world. In the same way I have had this idea of how I should be but my life has led me down to being a very different person than my ‘ideal’. But I’ve come to realize that there are other paths that can be followed and just because I don’t fit others ideas of normalcy doesn’t mean that I am somehow wrong or flawed, perhaps just different.
I hope this writing helps bring comfort to those who need it as much as it comforted me so many years ago. Now, to try and remember that other topic I wanted to write about, “Pondering Ponderables Ponderously”, except that I forgot what I wanted to write about, only remember the title. 🙂