Letting It All Out

I’m continuing to explore the odd things that I seem to sense. This sensing isn’t new for me, I can remember walking to kindergarten and feeling comforted by the presence of friends or spirits that walked with me. I remember having many talks with them and with God on those walks to and from school. But since talking to invisible people is somewhat frowned upon in the culture I live in, I have not normally talked about these conversations with other people. I already stand out enough that I didn’t feel a great need to add to my differences from other typical people.

I am female and I like math and science, I enjoy reading science fiction, I can program computers and have done so as a career, and I am interested in how things are put together and how they work. I like to work with wood and build things and I enjoy these guy type things. I also liked to bake, I like to have flower gardens, when I have the time, I collect doll house miniatures and I like to paint. And I enjoy being a women even though I think putting on makeup is a waste of time and money, jeans, t-shirts and sneakers are good clothing so I can crawl around on the floor hooking up computers and I like being able to carry my shopping bags, although I will let a fellow carry things if he offers. In other words, I don’t fit an easily identifiable stereotype in this culture.

After mulling  things over, researching items, I’m starting to think I have an additional oddity, in that I have things I sense that fit in with what other people call psychic. Doesn’t mean I’m able to read thoughts, move things around with my thoughts or alter how people react. But I do seem to pick up on emotions and energy that other people don’t or if they do they don’t talk about it normally. I found a description of this type of thing, some people call it the woo-woo stuff. This seems to fit so well, as it all seems very out there and froo-froo and out in la-la land. Some of the things I pick up, I can see that there are mundane explanations, such as cold reading and other techniques. But then there are other times where I seemed to pick up long distance negative energy from an item a friend had bought and seemed to have a spate of bad luck after buying the object. Or feeling like someone who has passed on wants to communicate with someone and that person has been smelling scents associated with that person before I talked to them.

Now, I’m not very good at this, things are not clear and a lot of times I feel like I am walking around on a thin crust of snow that could fall in at any second. I don’t see lights or orbs or get detailed messages from the great beyond. But I do feel like there is some connection, that everything around us has some kind of energy that can be felt and that there is more to be sensed than what we normally recognize in our culture. And I’ve seen other people sense this energy and react to things I’ve done in trying to clear energy or pass on messages. Not enough to convince other people but enough little bits to have me believe that perhaps I’m not completely delusional.

If I am, there seem to be other people who experience the same kind of delusions. After looking over events in my life, I can see how these events have had an effect on me and continue to have an effect on my life. But it’s only been within the last 3 months that I have come to some acceptance of abilities that I seem to have. Yet, I remain skeptical and try to be somewhat cautious about what I talk about and where I talk about it.  But it feels like such a relief to be able to talk about these things with someone that I sometimes go overboard in my sharing. I can see that I will be building a balance between the physical and spiritual world that I am perched between. Yet I feel so much more myself and that I have found a piece of myself that had been lost for such a long time. It is a strange journey I am traveling on, it will be interesting to see where I end and what friends I travel with on my road to somewhere else.