Sorting Out My Thoughts

This week has been an emotional week after the US 2016 Presidential election. With the election of Trump as our next President, I feel like a blow has been struck against equality and that a bully has been put in charge of our country, with a gang standing behind him to enforce their idea of a perfect society. Which seems to want to take us back to the 50’… the 1850’s. I go back and forth between anger, fear and disgust for my fellow citizens who voted for this con man to lead our country.

Yet, I also wonder if I have helped to fuel this situation by not listening to his supporters, not trying to find out why they are angry. I also want to take some action, do something to try and fix things. I also feel compelled to do something for my families situation, to try and protect us somehow from the insanity that I think will happen over the next few years. So many thoughts, I’m not sleeping well and I find the need to just jot things down in order to try and clear my mind. I have books I want to write and I need to empty out the maelstrom whirling through me so I can move forward.

On a personal note, I have also felt that I have a calling for alternative healing, specifically Reiki Energy healing. I attended a class last week and I felt that something clicked within me, that this was right and somehow things would be right if I followed this calling. Due to money concerns, it will be next year before I take another class, but that also feels right somehow. I’m not sure where my path will lead, but it felt right to follow a calling of my heart after a long time of worrying about being practical and focusing on the requirements of the physical world.

I am also feeling called back to writing after a long drought. I have written bits and pieces, here and there, but nothing on a regular basis. I have always written, but my heart was not in it. I feel somewhat lost as I’ve realized I have found places where I am accepted, I am loved, but I am still not a part of those places. I am grateful for them, it is a first to have so many places where I feel accepted but I have realized lately that I still feel empty. I want to make a difference in the world, somehow make my piece of the world a better place and it feels like I am just a cog in the wheel, that if something happened to me, it wouldn’t matter much, except to a very few people that I care about and who care about me. I realize many people have felt that way and have lived and died that way but I feel like there is something more I should be doing. Yet, I have not had the passion in my heart to work on my writing and so it has languished over the last year.

Somehow, it feels like my heart is healing, some of the passion, my soul purpose is creeping back in and I am slowly working my back. I have learned many lessons so perhaps it wasn’t a setback but it still feels that way. I am gratified that in writing this post, I can feel myself loosening up, as I allow my true voice to speak out and express myself. I suspect that this message is the equivalent of putting a message in a bottle and throwing it into the ocean but I feel a bit better. My best to whoever might run across this post and my the blessings of the divine be on you.