Sablewing Open Productions

Letting Go and Forgiveness

I continue on my journey of exploring self due to challenges in my personal life and with the business I’m involved. I had a breakthrough a few months back with a better connection to the physical. But in spite of making this connection I felt unplugged from the spiritual. I had a feeling of dead space and being unsure of the positive flow. And I could not find a way to plug back in using meditation or writing. I felt lost and uncertain of which way to go.

This continued for a few weeks with it coming to a peak in the last week of August. It was also a low time as we were trying to find another buyer for our house we are selling and it looked like we might not be able to get the house we were interested in buying. We were also looking at letting an employee go at work due to slow business so there were many ways that I felt unplugged in. And yet I did make one breakthrough even though it didn’t plug me back in. And it had to do with loving myself. The breakthrough came while I was feeling depressed. I felt like I had screwed up, again, and was beating myself up, again. During this time I was searching for solutions and started thinking about the people around me who care about me. I realized that they care about me, perhaps even love me in spite of who I am and not just because what I do and how I act. I started thinking, if these other people could like me, why couldn’t I like myself?

So I did a visualization where I pictured me viewing myself and seeing that me as others might see me. Instead of turning away and thinking I was a screw up, by viewing myself separately I could see there was something there that I could like and even love. I also saw that I needed to let go and let this love in. I could tell this had broken through when I did my morning meditation. There is a point where I open up my heart to let others love come in and to let my love go out. Before this I could feel this love in my heart, my chest and my arms but no further. After this I could feel the love spreading to other parts of my body and feel the energy I share with others and which they share with me. I haven’t been able to completely fill my body yet, I still need to do some more work, but this was a break through for me. Yet I still couldn’t plug in, I could feel the flow and felt lost. So I continued thinking and I went on a hike to a place that seems to have a connection to the sacred. It is a place where I find it easier to connect, to talk with my spirit guides, angels and other teachers.

It has helped me find the ways to heal myself over this last year and I found healing again. On the way there I started thinking about another visualization and I had this feeling that I also needed to forgive myself. There is one time in my life that I had not felt able to forgive myself for because of pain that I caused others during that time. I had also said that I had forgiven myself for other mistakes in my life and had no regrets. But as I started thinking about this I found that I didn’t forgive myself fully, that I was paying lip service to the idea because I felt I should. When I started thinking this way I then started picturing myself seeing me as another person might. I could see that inexperience and fear drove some of those decisions that I regretted. Mostly I could see the fear that drove me and still lies under the surface, waiting to take control, if it can.

When I saw that, as if I were seeing another person, my heart softened and I felt the start of forgiveness. But then I had to let go of all of that regret and pain. This was the hard part, the letting go. I believe that there is one thing we have in this life and that is our time. So when it comes time to let something like this go it becomes hard for me because it feels like I am giving away a part of myself, the investment in time in all of that regret. There is also the part where I have to admit I made a mistake into holding onto that regret for so long. I could see this blob of scars and blood dripping that no matter how ugly I did not want to let go. I started the process on that hike but I did not complete it. I have not completed it yet but starting the process succeeded in plugging me back in. I was holding myself back, again. I seem to repeat myself, again. 🙂

This was another lesson, that I need to let go and move on, even if it seems to be admitting defeat and mistakes in my choices. Even if it seems to show that there is no logic or reason and that I can’t always fix things so they work. A hard lesson that I suspect I will revisit. But it feels like I have started and that I can move to other things. Thank you to my friend for suggesting that I try visualization in reviewing the problem. While I describe things in very visual terms, I am translation what I feel into visual to help others understand. But visualization does help me, perhaps by translating the world into that which I feel. It is good to move on to the next step of this journey.

Building a Personal Pyramid Based on Balance

I continue to explore concepts and ideas during everyday life. One concept that I have started to understand better this year is the idea of balance between physical, mental and spiritual aspects of life. For most of my life I have focused on mental and spiritual and paid grudging attention to physical portions of my life. Due to changes and events over the last few years I have been examining my choices and coming to understand that there must be balance between the three aspects in order to achieve the maximum capability possible in any one area.

Yet, I have also decided that building a balance in order to achieve maximum capability in one area should also not be the focus. The focus should be on building balance for the sake of balance. The goal is to recognize my full capabilities of what I can do and the limits for what I may want to do.  And while some may say there are no limits, there are limits for the flesh we wear in this life. I cannot stay awake for 24 hours, 7 days a week and work at full capacity with full mental and physical abilities ready to use. I have been reminded of this in the last few weeks as I have worked with my family to get our house ready to sell. I have been proud that I can do more than I might have thought possible a few years ago, especially in the area of physical, such as moving furniture and boxes around, cleaning, etc. But I have not been able to do all that I want which is frustrating for many reasons. I had wanted to complete the work two weeks ago but ran into physical limitations of how much I could accomplish while also working. I also ran into mental limitations in not assessing all of the tasks and making a better plan for completion.

And spiritual has suffered because I don’t like to take a break in order to meet a goal that I had set for myself. In the end, the work is getting done and I have been pleased with many of the things I have been able to do. I also see that I need more work. But one goal was achieved that I had set before this started. I was interested in building up a better connection to the physical world in order to provide a stronger platform for mental and spiritual building. I had expected to start exercising more, instead I have been very involved with the physical world of moving things around, planning work and then bringing order back into my family’s world. I have also seen that balance for the pyramid needs to be for it’s own sake and not just for the sake of another ability. All need to be respected for their contribution to my life and what I do. Without that respect than my work will always fall a little short because I have neglected the balance.

I also need to recognize the need to relax and take time off, without guilt, so that I get the rest I need. It is part of the maintenance and a reminder that there is joy in this world. In other words, I need to not take things quite so seriously and relax a bit. Which I will do after we finish with cleaning things up and start actually showing our house. 🙂 To whoever reads this, may you find the balance and recognition of the importance of all things in your life, not just the things you are extra good at.

My Church

The outdoors is my church,

The cathedral is the sky

Birds flying by, so high in the sky

Bring the choir to these wide walls.

Spider webs formed with dew and sunlight

The stained glass images form.

Bright hummingbirds dancing among flowers so tall

Butterflies are visions of angel wings brought to Earth.

A sea of gold, wildflowers bending in the breeze

Rival any man made carpet set before us.

In these hallowed walk ways I find God.

Cleansing and Protecting an Area

I was browsing the internet this evening and noticed an article about cleaning out negative energy from a house or other building. That reminded me of a meditation I did a few months back to clean out negative energy from my workplace and from my home. Here is what I did that someone else may find useful.

First, I had a look around to find the best place to center and push the energy out into the building. For my home it was in a bedroom. For work there were two locations because the building has an office part and a warehouse part. Once I found the location, I made myself comfortable, on the floor or in a chair, depending on where I was at. I then got out what I call my medicine bag which is where I keep some items I use to support me in things like this.  I use the term medicine bag because of the Native American terms that most people might be familiar with. However, that isn’t a complete descriptive term for that bag I carry. But it is shorter than the special bag I carry that’s handmade and which carries sage, crystals and my animal totem carving. 🙂

The primary thing I wanted was my animal totem carving to serve as a focus. It is made of soapstone and is something I carved many years ago. I am definitely not a carver but it holds positive energy and is a good focus so I like it. After finding the spot and getting situated I then pulled out the carving and unwrapped it. I placed it on the floor. I then used 5 crystals that I have tuned to me and laid them out in a pattern around myself and the carving. For the pattern, I don’t have a description of it, I put crystals where the positive energy flow was the highest. Once these items were in place, I then closed my eyes and called on animal spirits to guard the place.

For myself and for this place these guardians seemed the best fit for cleansing the area.  With the animal spirits I call on them to guard the directions East, South, West, North, Up and Down. The animals vary depending on what I feel is called for what I do. Once I have called for their help I ask them to watch over me and what I prepare to do.  I visualize the animals coming in as I ask them to guard the different areas. For this portion I have an alternate form that I sometimes use. In that case I call upon the archangels Raphael, Gabriel, Uriel and Michael to guard the directions North, South, East and West.  In either case the intent is to ask for help in guarding against negative energy that could distract or cause problems while I focus on raising energy. Once I feel that the protections are sufficient,I then ran through an assessment of myself in order to ground myself. I assessed the physical, spiritual, mental, heart, communication and soul. I asked for help from the archangels in supporting certain areas and then grounding myself with a connection to the Earth.  I focused on clearing the mind and then centering my being so that I am in the now and aware of my physical surroundings.

Once I was grounded and centered I then focused on picture a white, flaming energy. I pictured this energy coming up through the earth in through the walls. I start with the room I am in and picture this white, flaming energy moving up through the walls. As it moves up the energy burns out negative energy and replaces it with itself. As I get the energy pulled up through the walls of the one room I then move to another room while still holding the energy where I started. I continue pulling up the energy, holding what I’ve pulled up and adding to it. I continue in this way, holding the focus until the entire building and all of it’s exterior and interior walls have this flaming white energy flowing through, burning out negative energy. Once the entire building or area has this energy I then focus to bind it and hold it within the walls. The aim is to keep the energy flowing in the walls even after I have quit focusing on it. All of the holding of energy, flowing it up and then binding it can be a test of the focus ability.  The good news is if you let go, the energy simply flows out but it is not replaced by all negative energy.

But once you get the energy in place and bound it renews itself and continues to burn through negative energy that can accumulate in physical objects. After I finish with the binding I centered again and thanked the animal spirits for their help. I did not dismiss them, I admit to being sloppy in that area. If I do forget to dismiss the guardians they move on their own to other things at the appropriate time. In some cases I think they like the area where I have called them and choose to stick around in order to continue offering protection.  I have not run into problems with guardians being unhappy about being stuck but I may have missed things too. Something for me to consider in the future.

Now, several months later, I can do an assessment of the energy and see if any holes have developed. What I’ve noted is that the white energy stays but can develop holes or tears. This is more dependent on who shares the space and their attitudes. If there are very negative people that can be a drain on the cleansing so the energy wears down. During an assessment I can plus up the energy and repair the holes. This does not require the full focus for this maintenance activity. I’ve found that so far it’s something I can review and repair as needed. I just need to connect and touch things up, at least so far. Once that was done, as I check I am able to get a good connection.  I’ve  also noticed that there seems to be more positive energy in both my home and at work. Perhaps that’s due to my outlook changing because of what I did.  Whatever the reason it’s nice to have more positive places to be.

Exploring Healing: Part Two

As I continue to explore healing energy I am seeing how it is a multifaceted discipline that requires the merging and melding of various skills. There is not just one energy or even two or three energies to master but a multitude of tools and abilities that can be used to change the physical state. In order to perhaps help others in exploring these facets I will describe my efforts and visualizations. This article focuses on energy to help boost a persons own physical resources in healing. While it would be more dramatic to focus on curing cancer, growing back limbs or healing other injuries, I definitely have a ways to go before I achieve, if ever, that kind of healing. However, I feel that I have had some success with aiding the body, starting with my own. Perhaps some of my experience my help provide insight to others.

The first visualization is simply trying to tap into a healing energy to use. When working with this kind of energy I recommend  setting up guards or wards for your initial sessions. I also recommend that you focus on pulling healing energy that is beneficial for everything and everyone concerned.  I have had some negative feedback resulting when I tried to force energy to do something that I thought it should do. I have found that it is better to focus on an area, send energy and guidance to promote healing that is best for that area rather than trying to define a specific action. After getting setup, meditating helps to bring the energy. In my reading I have found that healing energy can be associated with the color green but my energy ha come across as blue or white. Lately I have been able to tap into gold energy but I first need to pull the blue or white energy.

While meditating, I focus on the area that is in pain or has some discomfort. While focusing on that area I visualize the energy being pulled by me and then being focused on that area. For myself, I have had the most luck in pulling energy  from the back of my neck. In analyzing this I suspect the energy I pull is associated with communication and is being pulled from the backside of the throat  chakra. The front of the chakra holds energy while the back seems to be able to push energy out, at least for myself. I then focus on that stream of energy and focus on the area of the body I want to try and heal. I then work to connect the energy with the part that is having a problem.  As I go deeper I find myself moving in for a view of the problem area. I am able to visualize the tissue, the muscle, bone and blood that are being affected by the health problem. I then picture the energy bathing those area. As the energy surrounds the area I focus on the energy healing whatever is causing the distress. I do not try to figure out what the problem is exactly. Doing so seems to cause problems and misses areas that may need the energy more.

By pointing the energy and directing it to heal the sore foot instead of trying to specifically direct the energy to fix this muscle or that blood vessel I feel that I have had more success. Depending on the severity of the problem I may or may not disconnect the energy stream. If the problem is deep I will leave a strand tied in that continues to pull energy until the problem can resolve itself on its own. If I feel that the problem is resolved then I will close the energy as I come out of the meditation. For myself, leaving a strand does not seem to drain me but there are other things I’ve learned to do that may aid the feeding of that energy.  I definitely recommend practicing on yourself before trying this on others. I suspect almost everyone has some kind of ache or pain that they might like to try focusing energy on. I also feel that each person needs to find their own technique and energy to use for this kind of healing. For myself, blue and white seems to work, for another green and white energy would work better. Listen to that small voice to see what fits better.

Exploring Healing: Part One

For many years I have been interested in focusing energy towards physical healing. I first became interested when I knew of a woman having a difficult pregnancy. I wanted to do something to help and for some reason I connected into energy and trying to send healing to her and the baby.

During this process I was able to visualize energy and to work on sending it to her. But it felt like there was a barrier or some type of stoppage. Beyond the usual, “This is impossible, I can’t do this” there was a sense of incompleteness while trying to move this energy.

I was out one evening, focusing on this energy and I was able to visualize this large blue ball of energy which I directed towards the woman. While doing this, I heard a voice “You cannot heal others until you heal yourself.” I stopped what I was trying and worked on understanding that sentence. I have been trying to understand that sentence for almost 20 years now. I have gained a larger understanding of that communication but there are parts that are still a mystery to me. In the end, I was not able to help and the pregnancy ended early with the baby not surviving. Due to that voice and other things in my life I moved onto other things but I continued to try and understand what I needed to do.

At first I felt that I needed to practice healing on myself and perform physical healing on myself. I worked to focus energy on myself and made not of changes that occurred. Was I successful? I might’ve been but a skeptic could easily pick apart that I had no proof of physical healing. And I remain skeptical of any physical healing I might do, it’s too easy to attribute natural healing of the body to ‘psychic’ powers. And as time passed I felt that physical healing of myself was not the intent, that there was something more. In the last few years I have come to feel that the healing refers to my mental state, which has needed some help. I also feel that there is a component beyond simple functioning and an implication of a certain state of mind that would be beneficial to myself. I feel like I am on a better path because I have felt that the communication has changed.

From the more negative “You cannot heal others until you heal yourself.” the sentence has morphed to “You can heal others when you can heal yourself.” My state of mind has also changed to what I think is a more positive outlook at life. Have I achieved the complete enlightenment that I need? No, I am still very much a student, with a clearer understanding of how much there is to learn. But I at least feel that I am on a path upward instead of meandering around in life. What is the state of mind, you might ask? The state of mind is one that goes to healing not for the sake of my ego but for the sake of working towards the light and the positive. I need to be able to remove focus from myself and my physical needs of ego gratification, satisfaction and other worldly emotions in order to work towards the purest motives and the good for all concerned.

Yet what drives me most is the interest in alleviating suffering in this physical plane. I understand intellectually that each person has their own path to travel, their own obstacles to overcome but for those I care about I want to remove those obstacles. It can be hard to watch others suffer through things that I feel like I should be able to fix in someway. In pondering over the state of mind required for physical healing I feel that there is a key item for the success. The individual must find a method of opening the mind and seeing beyond the physical. In this state the physical will become a portion of their journey and not the complete focus. When this state occurs then the person will be able to heal but it will be a side effect of the state of mind they have achieved. The person will be able to heal, if they choose, but it it won’t be a primary focus but rather a tool to use in aiding others. I’m not quite sure how to get to that mind state but I continue to practice on focusing energy and guiding it for a benevolent outcome for all.

Exploring the Power of Need

I wrote a post a while back about The Power of Need. I’ve been thinking about this energy lately because of how it affects me. I have again had a situation where I needed to work in a higher capacity. And once again I found myself feeling more connected to the universe, even finding a sense of peace that I rarely experience. Now that the need has passed, my energy is going down and I experienced a small emotional crash after this occurred.  I find myself interested in preventing this crash in the future because I suspect situations like this will come into my life again. Next question is how do I prevent this crash that is sure to come again?

This week I made a connection with connecting with this power of need. I realized that most of the time when I tap this energy is when others need help. But when I need to help myself I get stuck and shut myself out. I realized that when I can figure out how to tap the power of my need that I might be able to regulate the energy and keep myself from the emotional crashes that I go through. The problem I have now is that I have no idea how I tap into this energy. In looking back I can see that this information provides an explanation for periods of feeling extra connected and then feeling down after the need passed. But I have tapped this energy unconsciously and without realization of what I was doing.

This year has been an exploration in seeing how psychic energy could explain how I react to life.  In order to explore this I am trying a guided meditation. I am still exploring this so I don’t have an answer yet but I feel that I will find one if I continue this way. I start of my mediation with the following imagery.  I picture myself in a house that is made up of several connected units. When I start each unit is dark and without power. What I am trying to do is figure out how to connect the power to myself and use that to power up the various units of the house.  When I started I had help from a guide and I was able to connect in and power up several of the units.  The power was provided by others who needed help. Now I am trying to figure out how to connect to my need in order to power up a unit. Right now I am still fumbling around in the dark trying to find the power cord so I have a little ways to travel. I suspect I will find an answer, I am learning that persistence can answer many questions, eventually.

Friendship and Love

For many years I have pondered over what friendship and love are. In English, love is such a multiuse word that can easily be misinterpreted as a listener chooses. Other languages, such as Greek, attempt to break down love into different areas, such as agape, philos and eros, with Socrates and Plato’s dialogs being a famous discussion of these differences. So, what is love, what is friendship, are the two topics somehow related or not related at all?

As with many things there can be a simple answer and there can be more complex layers applied to the questions. First, what is love? Does it relate only to a physical attraction, or an infatuation that we experience due to our very human reproductive drive? Is there another layer in addition to this physical attraction? What causes love to happen, what causes it to go away? For those who have read of love and have some experience with the world, I believe these experienced people would agree that there is more to love than just the physical attraction. This focus on the physical is related to how our body rewards us in the inevitable drive to reproduce.  The young are most prone to this feeling but older people are not immune to the effects. In using English to describe this, I call this the effect of lust rather than love. With lust, we physically desire something that will physically please us without necessarily regarding the consequences or outcome.  Most people are able to control this and there are lighter versions, such as crushes, but the common thread is the seeking of physical pleasure in order to satisfy oneself.

The seeking of physical pleasure is not  good or bad in itself, although the terms used to describe it have negative connotations in English.  However, in my opinion, this is only the start of a caring for another person. We all age and as we age our body changes. In some cases this physical change cause this physical love or lust to fade away. And what about cases where physical love cannot be expressed due to cultural limitations? In the USA culture of the 20th/21st century, homosexual love is not considered completely acceptable by a majority of the population and yet in ancient Greece male to male love was idealized and sought after. Again, in the USA monogamy is considered standard behavior and there are severe repercussions  if a male or female partner strays from a standard heterosexual relationship.  But in other times and places, such as the Middle East, India, Tibet, Norway and other countries it has been acceptable to have more than one spouse, male or female, in order to provide stability for passing on possessions and ensuring that children are taken care of. In each culture there is some type of physical love that is forbidden or frowned upon and where certain physical gestures become taboo. In these instances where physical love cannot be expressed due to male/female, male/male or female/female limitations, can an attraction be shaped into friendship? Does friendship involve love or does it stand separate? Or should the word love be limited only to physical expressions of love?

Practically speaking, in English, the word love is used to fill many roles and describe many relationships. This includes friendship, liking a person, object, or activity, along with the romantic and physical sense of love associated with marriage. Love is a very plastic word which is why I don’t like to use it very often. It is to easy for the listener to misinterpret the meaning due to their internal filters on what they want the word to mean. And with the commercialization of sex and the portrayal of the physical in mass media it can become even more challenging to use this simple word and not be misinterpreted as far as intent. So my intent is to express my own definition of love as used when seeking an ideal. The Greeks used the term agape to describe an ideal love which is a selfless love divorced from physical attraction.  This term is often used to describe love as described in the Bible by Jesus. It is considered the ideal to seek by Christians and the tone of the Paul and his letters reinforces this ideal. As he writes in 1 Corinthians 7, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.  But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. ” This passage is used to justify monogamy as the ideal and the even higher ideal of priests and nuns who are only married to God. Physical lust is considered evil and something to be hidden and shamed whenever it is found.

Yet, God gave us these physical bodies with these wants and desires. Did God purposely create evil intent and associate that evil intent with the joy of a physical union between two people? Or did man create the evil by not keeping a balance between physical, mental and spiritual? As with so many things, if moderation is not exercised, than yes, physical lust can cause bad things to happen, break up families, cause jealousy, break hearts, and work against the common good.  A mental lust that is not controlled could also cause bad things to happen such as monopoly of a person’s time, talking excessively, and dominating another person. Similar things can be done with the spiritual in the forcing of a particular dogma, and choosing to force a spiritual belief on another in the mistaken idea that is an expression of a higher love to save that person’s soul. With all of these excesses I would argue that they are not true expressions of love but distortions that are trying to force a feeling, a way of being into something that supports the ego and beliefs of the lover. In stepping back, true love, the love we idealize, takes into account the others ideas, beliefs, mental state and physical interest and compromises to build something new and larger than before.

This is the love I seek, a love which can have many expressions depending on cultural rules and limitations. It is at this point that friendship enters the picture. Friendship is an aspect of love that recognizes and works within the cultural boundaries. Friendship incorporates love and would not exist without it in the relationship to some degree. And in looking at true love, or romantic love that is used to describe a relationship with a physical aspect I would say that the relationship should also include some aspect of friendship, a separation of the physical from the mental and spiritual. The expressions of love work towards balance for each person and a compromise that recognizes the strengths and weakness of each lover. In the end, love, friendship, lust, they are idealized when each lover is working for the good of the other lover in the relationship.  Each person is willing to accept the weaknesses, revel in the strengths and is prepared to sacrifice something they hold dear in order to better their lover’s life. While the other refuses to accept the sacrifice because they do not want to harm their lover. Love becomes the feeling of joy in the betterment of their other half.

If his can occur with the very young who do not know of physical lust, those in their prime who want nothing but physical lust and the older couple who remembers the physical and embraces the changes that may reduce this attraction. Love is caring about another’s welfare more than your own and being willing to sacrifice your well being to improve that welfare.  And so long as moderation is exercised by both, this love will grow and bring a joy to each life that would be lessened if not shared.

Connection: Why is it Important?

Lately I’ve had a recurring thought about connections and how important they are to me.  I keep finding connections all around, connections with work, with people, with the energy that is in everything and all around us. And I’ve realized that these connections are part of what helps me stay grounded and stay strong in spite of the challenges that life brings me.

So what are these connections, why are they so important? Why do I feel better when I feel connected and can feel so bad when I am disconnected? For me, I like to start with definitions, to make sure I understand the word I’m using and that I’m using it in the same way other people are using the word. So here is the definition of connects:

1. to join, link, or fasten together; unite or bind
2. to establish communication between; put in communication:
3. to have as an accompanying or associated feature:
4. to cause to be associated, as in a personal or business relationship
5. to associate mentally or emotionally

So in looking over the meaning of connects, it means to join, to link up somehow. The word is generally associated with positive events, in that we are connecting and joining together to build something greater than we might build by ourselves. So for me to feel connected means that I feel that I am part of something greater than myself, that I’m contributing to some cause that is positive and building up rather than tearing down. I am communicating with others, and moving towards a common goal. There is the feeling of being joined with others and that the whole is great than the parts. I become connected, joined, sharing in facing the challenges and joys that life brings. Thus, when I feel disconnected, I feel alone and as if I’m facing the world alone.

What I’ve noticed is that this disconnect is most likely to occur when I am not communicating well with other people and I am pushing myself away from people due to internal distress.  This disconnect is painful and causes more distress and starts to feed on itself. At some point I have to find a way to break out and move on, to reconnect and find that grounding energy that helps me feel more positive. Unfortunately, what I’m finding with my ability to read energy and emotions from other people is that staying grounded and staying connected can be a challenge. It is made more difficult by feeling that I need to fit into the group I’m currently with and that sharing my distress isn’t allowed. Other people that I know don’t seem to experience this distress and lack of connection so I do not have examples of other people facing the same issues.

Sharing my feelings can help me to connect but doing that is uncomfortable and makes me feel threatened. I worry about being different and not accepted and so I want to blend in. But with the energy and emotion that I pick up, it is a challenge to fit in and can be a drain. I end up in a cycle that I finally have to break out of and find the reconnection, the grounding that keeps me focused, sharing and a part of the joy and stress that is part of everyday life. I am also learning that I need to take care of myself, to rest and to honor my physical body as I honor my mental and spiritual self.  Which can be a challenge when running a small business. I also need to remember to relax and that life is to be enjoyed and not just a slog through continuing challenges. Sometimes, laughing and relaxing is okay which can be hard. Not because I don’t know how to relax but that I have relaxed too much in the past. I am still paying for this past slothfulness so it can be hard to let go in a balanced way. For me, hard lessons, but I keep striving and working to improve. The joy of life will find me and bring delight when I least expect it and the connections grow stronger